"Formless stacks of bodies and bodies..." --Whitman

"Even the dead are going to have to take care of themselves on this one," a New Orleans native told a reporter. We wondered: whose bodies rest in Metairie Cemetery, the most prominent of New Orleans cemeteries? Via FindAGrave.com: Dorothy Dix: No Paula Froelich she, Dix -- nee Elizabeth Meriwether Gilmer -- was an advice columnist who wrote of life, love, and marriage in widely syndicated dispatches. One of her most famous columns covered her ten "Dictates for a Happy Life." She was also the author of How to Win and Hold a Husband, Hearts A La Mode, and Fables of the Elite. Jim Garrison: Garrison was the New Orleans D.A. whose investigation into John F. Kennedy's assassination led to the trial of businessman Clay Shaw -- the only person ever brought to trial in connection with the assassination. Shaw was acquitted, and subsequently villainized in Oliver Stone's JFK. In the last decade, historians have generally agreed that Garrison went after Shaw largely because Shaw was a homosexual. Melvin "Mel" Ott: A Hall-of-Famer, Ott played for the New York Giants from the time he played his first game in 1926 until he was replaced as their manager in 1948. A lefty, he took advantage of the short right field fence in Polo Grounds and hit 511 career home runs. Ott had a beautiful stance. Louis Prima: The voice of "King Louie" in Disney's The Jungle Book. He was married to Keely Smith (divorced). Says allmusic.com: "A tireless showman and an underrated musical talent, Louis Prima swung his way to icon status thanks to an irresistible, infectious sound whose appeal translated across generations." Jefferson Davis: The body of Davis is long-gone, but it was here for a while. Davis was the highest-ranking confederate leader of the South. He was, in the words of FindAGrave, "[t]he only Southern leader shackled in a dungeon and sacrificed as atonement for the sins of many." He refused to apply for a pardon because, he said, "I have not repented." Davis backed the Southern cause to the end. His epitaph reads: At Rest/An American Soldier/And Defender of the Constitution. UPDATE: Crooks and Liars! Must...restrain...ourselves...from...engaging...in...Simon-like...onanism... ANOTHER UPDATE: Yesterday, the Los Angeles Times reported, "[I]n Metairie ... at one of the largest "cities of the dead," floodwater is coursing through the graves, and no one knows what, or whom, will be swept out."